Mountain House Scrambled Eggs With Bacon

Styrofoam is not often a texture striven for by chefs.  To the best of my knowledge, it is never attempted.  The closest food item I conceive in texture to styrofoam would be Cheetos.  They are airy, crunchy, and compress into some strange and disconcerting sludge of fake cheese and corn byproduct.  That is, they were the closest, until we encountered Mountain House Scrambled Eggs With Bacon.

We have actually been quite impressed by Mountain House’s other offerings.  I thought I was done with freeze-dried food alternatives once I had graduated from grade school.  By grad school, “Top Ramen” was a relative ranking, denoting my favorite local ramen house.  But Mountain House’s Beef Stroganoff dances that border between convenience and palatability with aplomb.  Their interpretation of scrambled eggs with bacon, however, does not.

Instead, Mountain House Scrambled Eggs With Bacon sports the runniness of cafeteria eggs with the sponginess of damp croutons and the chewiness of what I imagine aerogel would taste like if NASA decided to convert one of the most expensive materials in the world into a food product.  Come to think of it, NASA doesn’t really have the best track record when it comes to engineering food for travel.  Granted, they have the excuse of designing for zero-gravity environments.  Mountain House scrambled eggs are designed for backpacking.  Given that backpackers don’t have to worry about blowing up their environment or consuming all their oxygen with an open flame, I feel like there is less of a mitigating circumstance for breakfast to taste like something that will later be evacuated from your bowels with a suction toilet.

I think I’ll stick with a granola bar for breakfast.  The yogurt ones almost make up for the lack of milk.